David E. Steiner

Retired USAF, Teacher, Dad, Grandfather, Curmudgeon

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Ah, spring. Up here it’s so nice they wrote a song about it.

The trouble is that you have to go through winter to get to it.

For most of us winter is the time to kick back, drink coffee and watch the snow fall, or, if we can afford it, take off for Arizona or Hawaii. No matter what we do, though, when the snow melts we begin to have a look at the damage. Most often we have to look at the roof, the trim, or maybe we check out the car after we’ve washed a whole winter’s dirt from it.

In my case, it’s pretty clear that I haven’t been getting enough exercise. The mirror and the scales don’t lie, friends. It looks as though I’ve been having a fight with gravity and gravity is about to win by a knockout. I’d have been better off if I’d spent the winter standing on my head. Fortunately, like the house, the damage can be repaired, although in my case it may take more like a major remodeling than just painting the trim.

Almost 500 folks around here are members of the Estes Park Health Club, so I dropped by to ask John Latimer what needed to be done.

People like John make me a little envious. John has been involved in athletics all his life, and looks about 18, although he’s over 30 and has three children. He started off talking to me about a fat analysis.

“Look,” I said,” I came here voluntarily. If I want to be insulted I can go home.”

John raised a muscular eyebrow and told me a fat analysis shows what percentage of your body is fat, so you know what kind of diet and exercise program you need. Easy for John; his fat percentage is zero. Then John took me to see the exercise machines. These are a series of about a dozen huge pieces of machinery with chains and pulleys and levers. They look as though they can be used for exercise or they might be left over from the Spanish Inquisition. John spent about half an hour explaining the use of the machines. I almost believed him when he told me they were going to make me look and feel better.

I am going to give this program a fair trial, and since there’s a spa and a sauna and racquetball, parts of it may not be to grim.

Next year, though, I’m going to plan my winter better. I think I’ll spend most of it standing on my head. [I didn’t last, and neither did John; the health club became the Estes Park Brewery]




© 1985 – 2003, David E. Steiner

Allenspark Wind Columns:


Why Allenspark?

Going Riding [August, 1985]


Used Cars

Peace and Quiet [1986]

Liberals & Conservatives

Going to the Movies

The Screened Porch

The Beginning of The Season

The Weather

The Hilltop Guild Bazaar

The End of The Season

The Gift of Time

The Beavers

Addresses [1987]


Watching the Trees Grow

Postal Rates

Changes in Estes Park

Square Dancing at the Pow Wow

Back to the Hilltop Guild Bazaar

The Solstices

Bird Feeders


The Estes Park Hardware Store [1988]


Limousine Service

A Memorial Service

A Hummingbird


A Hiking Trip

The Estes Park Public Library

Wild Life

Riparian Rights [1989]




Mountain Friendliness

A Motorcycle Trip

Satellite Television

“Weaving Mountain Memories”

Hotel Rates in the Old Days

The Price of Propane [1990]

The Front Range Almanac


Modes of Transportation

Miller Moths

My 50th Column

Modern Conveniences

Rock Climbing

On the Death of Otto Walter, Postmaster

Otto’s Memorial Service

A Big Owl Pot-Luck Dinner

A Whine About Telephone Service [1991]

After the Persian Gulf War

Some Changes in the WIND

The Trip to the Mountains

The Mountains in the Summer


Of Dogs, Music, and Children

Muhlenburg County

To My Grandson

The Sale of Longs Peak Inn

World War II  [1992]

Murphy’s Law and the Computer

The South St. Vrain Canyon


The Hazards of Volunteering

Crime in Our Valley


On the Death of Charles Eagle Plume

Can We All Get Along?

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

Lost Horizon [1993]


Rumors About a Visit by the Pope


More About Fences


The Visit of Pope John Paul II

Forest Fires

The New Sewage System

The Snow Pool

The Good Old Days [1994]

The WIND’s 20th Anniversary

The Bunce School

The Shooting Gallery

The Estes Park Museum

Our Government

U.S. West Takes a Hit

The Year of the Hummingbirds

A New “Yield” Sign

Growth in Allenspark

Private Telephones?

The Salvation Army

Creation Science [1995]

Devolutionizing Big Government



Fort D.A. Russell

Domestic Terrorism

Old and New

Barney Graves

Life in the Wilderness

What’s In a Name?

Arthur C. Clarke


The Estes Park Trail-Gazette Columns:

July 1983


Estes Cone

Johnny Grant

Observations in Estes Park

The Bath House


The Sutherland’s Ice House

How Old is Charles Eagle Plume?


Christmas Trees

Tree Murder

Mountain Driving


Mail Boxes

More About Mail Boxes

“Are you related to ....?”


An Accident

The Wild Cat

A July Reunion

A Visit to Baldpate Inn

Opening Cabins


The Times, They Have Changed

Death and Transfiguration

The Population Explosion

The March of Time

Faith-Based Social Services

Looking for Pitch

Recent Writings I

Recent Writings II

Recent Writings III

Recent Writings IV

Recent Writings V

Recent Writings VI



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