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Spring
Ah, spring. Up here it’s so nice they wrote a song about it.
The trouble is that you have to go through winter to get to it.
For most of us winter is the time to kick back, drink coffee and watch the snow fall, or, if we can afford it, take off for Arizona or Hawaii. No matter what we do, though, when the snow melts we begin to have a look at the damage. Most often we have to look at the roof, the trim, or maybe we check out the car after we’ve washed a whole winter’s dirt from it.
In my case, it’s pretty clear that I haven’t been getting enough exercise. The mirror and the scales don’t lie, friends. It looks as though I’ve been having a fight with gravity and gravity is about to win by a knockout. I’d have been better off if I’d spent the winter standing on my head. Fortunately, like the house, the damage can be repaired, although in my case it may take more like a major remodeling than just painting the trim.
Almost 500 folks around here are members of the Estes Park Health Club, so I dropped by to ask John Latimer what needed to be done.
People like John make me a little envious. John has been involved in athletics all his life, and looks about 18, although he’s over 30 and has three children. He started off talking to me about a fat analysis.
“Look,” I said,” I came here voluntarily. If I want to be insulted I can go home.”
John raised a muscular eyebrow and told me a fat analysis shows what percentage of your body is fat, so you know what kind of diet and exercise program you need. Easy for John; his fat percentage is zero. Then John took me to see the exercise machines. These are a series of about a dozen huge pieces of machinery with chains and pulleys and levers. They look as though they can be used for exercise or they might be left over from the Spanish Inquisition. John spent about half an hour explaining the use of the machines. I almost believed him when he told me they were going to make me look and feel better.
I am going to give this program a fair trial, and since there’s a spa and a sauna and racquetball, parts of it may not be to grim.
Next year, though, I’m going to plan my winter better. I think I’ll spend most of it standing on my head. [I didn’t last, and neither did John; the health club became the Estes Park Brewery]
Columns
© 1985 – 2003, David E. Steiner
Allenspark Wind Columns:
Back to the Hilltop Guild Bazaar
The Estes Park Hardware Store [1988]
On the Death of Otto Walter, Postmaster
A Whine About Telephone Service [1991]
On the Death of Charles Eagle Plume
Rumors About a Visit by the Pope
The Visit of Pope John Paul II
Devolutionizing Big Government
The Estes Park Trail-Gazette Columns:
How Old is Charles Eagle Plume?